Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize