dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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