I cannot find my penis.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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