I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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