I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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