He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
