I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
