Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The beer is more important than you right now.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
