Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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