wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
