Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
