She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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