Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
