Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
