I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
