can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
