I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
