i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
