Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
