i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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