And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
