There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
