So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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