Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
