Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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