too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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