i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
