they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
