The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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