at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
