Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
