last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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