90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
