She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
