We won't sleep together?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
