So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
