bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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