8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
