dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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