you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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