i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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