Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
