Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
