I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize