I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
