You can't motorboat a personality
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
