You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
