Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize