as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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