The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
