U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
