they need to just BURY HIM!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
