wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
