You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
