Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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