I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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