i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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