please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
