In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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