she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Be still, my beating vagina.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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