the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
