When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
