There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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