i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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