She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
