You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
