see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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