He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
