Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
