Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The Olympian is in my bed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize