okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
