i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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