Need sex. Gaining weight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
