Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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