Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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