just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She told me I should be a condom model.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
