Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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