Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize