So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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