I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
