Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
