Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
