I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
