Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
