she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
