it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
