He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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