I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
