one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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