Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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