i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
