You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
